Pandemic rumination #3

Today, when I could… do nothing

I wondered if in fact, 

it was so, and so 

I rolled over and touched 

her peaceful cheek.

When she woke we spoke

of dinner menu choices-

being of differing tastes

we went forth and back…

slowly, as we pulled up 

first the sheet then the blankets.

 

Wrinkles smoothed, 

bedspread eyeballed even

pillows plumped, we then turned 

to throw pillows. Aptly named accents

to our bedroom decor they are;

kept in an overnight pile

on my side of the bed-

here comes the fun!

 

Picking a larger one I wind- 

up, aiming for her middle- 

the larger aim is to puff

her shoulder-length locks 

away from her face 

with a whoosh of wind

and only that whoosh

as the flat side of the pillow 

smacks her belly.

We smile,

arriving at our shared 

dinner decision. 

Once, in April

  

I heard the rumor whispered 

in the greening wood.

The message was dispatched on wings         

which barely touched 

the sleeping sky

echoing

echoing 

a fading call 

that she would come.

I turned my head to better hear and saw

a swelling promise

wrapped in veils of white 

as yet too young to blush 

at my inquiring gaze.               

Then early heat 

did burst the bud and rush 

the blood into my cheek

as I beheld the woman Spring!

She pressed her fragrant bosom

to my face

and I inhaled…

and she was gone

Catskill Lesson

I   heading off

Off to wander in

the Catskills-

called mountains by many. 

Rather a plateau

dissected, eroded

sharp in relief;

the work of waters coursing 

through ages long ago and still.

Heaped with sediments 

of the ancient Arcadians;

round old tops-

old by my reckoning

not so by the measure of time.

Exposed sandstone 

faces sheer-cheeked

sport grey-green living beards.

Stern visages contemplate

patiently

their turn to topple 

toward the mighty Hudson 

yet to come.

 

II   questions

In search of myself 

bound for somewhere

where I cannot hide.

Where carved-out caves

and tree root lean-tos

hang onto eroded slides.

Beneath the verdure of arching 

leaf and branch 

might I find such a place?

Devils Path

III    Platt’s Clove

Bright blue chicory blooms

wild by the side of the road 

bend their heads 

point with petaled fingers

to show my way up

up into the grey sleep still

hovering close 

over the early morn

hiding the immensity 

of horizon’s capture.

The car climbs coughing

through close green tunnels 

under opened-wide sky;

following the cliff-edge

winding tight, white-knuckled

nose-to-wheel. Grateful am I

for covering mists

for the chasm dizzies my mind

then, reaching the trailhead 

on top!

 

IV   Overlook Road

Bound for the sea

long and down rush

foaming waters

wearing away rock-

but imperceptibly

to mine eyes

as they descend.

At the bottom of 

a swirling pool rests 

eternity 

for a moment. 

I reach for a smooth wet stone

hold it in my hand.

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V    at the falls

Across the creek’s gape

above a cliff in shadow

where the falls drop off

against the daylight

a solitary squirrel

with curling tail appears in 

silhouette.  He at 

the edge pauses, then leaping

Gone

 

VI   bluestone quarry

What wonders be these massive 

stone monoliths

suspended somehow in time

above me below me vertically 

sitting on the face of the world!

Once cloven and quarried 

their transport needing

rails, roads; created commerce

opportunity for the few far-

sighted, deep-pocketed captains;

crisscrossing our country

paving the city streets of America

with the sweat of hard labor,

the sheen of hard bluestone. 

One short century later 

the plateau has overgrown wall

buckled bridge

reclaimed all trace of progress

as its own.

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VII    forest

Among  tatters of once  

vast hemlock woods  

lie still and long

along the forest floor-

great girth’d boles

bared of bark, hollowed out

food for toadstool and grub

returning to the soil.

Smell of good earthy decay rises

revealing all that is well here.

Among stubs of trunks-

a newly snapped spear 

jagged-edged

deltas across a moss’ed wall

showing green needles

her hurt fresh, deep

fatal it would seem but

not yet.

While older, once-living 

wood sentinels

encased in brown and green fuzz

surround, protect her.

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VIII   quiet

Green as summer could want

alive with a stillness 

which whispering 

warblings of nearby birds

through quiet leaves

bring unto my ear; 

untouched until

playful zephyrs wind their way 

through it to my head.

My head- pounding still

with worldly noise

hateful, angry voices 

everywhere inciting 

disquiet, discord  

equal in intensity

to their dissonant wail.

 

IX   for balance

I long to 

travel smooth river rock creek beds

bare in late afternoon light

bearing marks of other 

2-legged wanderers

perhaps seeking balance 

as well.

Looking to small stone cairns 

stacked in the rippling stream

suspended in balance 

for a time 

for now in harmony 

it would seem

with wind and water.

Representing my own

desire to stand,

search for balance,

realize the time to stand and wait

with tall brother trees

under billowing clouds. 

Content to wander 

green round humps 

rising over my head.

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X   breathe

A clean fresh start 

is in the air 

climbing over hills.

Sweetened, warmed with 

the forest’s exhaled breath;

drafting down into 

my face, my lungs. 

Mine own breath becomes

one with the sky.

Saved from the Vanity

(for all things are so, saith the Preacher)

of humanity  

by the obedience of root and twig!

Drawn I am to follow laughing water

loud over rock and ledge, 

stream and fragrant meadow-

how I need them!

 

XI  sky

The sway of nature

lives, at work inside me

as I ask

What could it possibly take 

what more than the blue 

above my head 

to understand

my own frailty? 

To be content;

alive in the world again.

 

XII   beginning

Today the Devil’s Path

lies in front of me

as states the roadside sign.

It is fitting.

A rocky painful climb portends. 

It is good

for through pain healing comes.

My spirit is broken…

I release those words from 

the pit of my anguish 

that they may fly far from me!

Deep into the darkness of the past

where hope cannot tread

I must return blindly stepping

over gnarled and tangled tracks

whence I left my light-

to rekindle the flame

if there is a spark 

faith has hidden.

I approach. 

It grows brighter. 

The heat of my tears burns 

clean these swollen eyes.

I can see. 

I am alone 

again with myself;

with a journey 

to be remembered

lest the lessen be lost

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I sing to my feet

 

 

I sing to my feet 

Two feet

with toes a pair of fives

another ten do hands with fingers make.

Arith me´ tic they became

dawn of the digital age

giving measure to the multitude 

of passing days partitioned days

rotations of our mother-globe

moons seasons winters

other names

we have assigned 

to quantify endless time;

for counting crows

or sheep or heads or lucky stars;

inevitably coin to cipher 

useless wealth useful goods

or anything beneath the sun 

we circle round.

 

To feet

on which I sometime 

steady stand

from where my eyes explore 

the slice of world about my head;

but for a closer look 

with tacit nod 

cooperating feet 

join my journey

mobile on all terrain.

 

Downward facing  

a mirrored pair almost these feet

just as almost balance-

tranquil calm inward-turn’d

elusive balance

ever-sought-after 

with rocking weight walking

biased stepping…

(one side after all 

holds sway always)

 

Summertime feet unwrapped

unused to rough ground; 

tender soft-skinned pink squeeze

of warming earth; 

prick of grass spear toe-pinch

buried round pebble bump

in the thatch of the dune edge

on the way to wonder of wonders. 

Burrow my wakening feet 

into wet salty sand 

at the edge of the world!

Boisterous waves and slippery

pull me 

off my feet off my kilter

sucking sand, sinking down

encased at the edge of the deep.

 

Half of me each foot describes

left/right 

right/wrong 

black/white

this dichotomy imposed, supposed 

to simplify life-

does not fit! 

All options fade to grey 

oh, innumerable shades

of grey choice between them in

the battleground of my core 

where struggle my extremities 

to keep me upright;

while oxygenated doubt 

courses through me

keeps time with each beat each step.

Stand feet firm bear my weight, 

my old indecision/poor decisions-

for those not made with purpose 

not made actively are made nonetheless.

Bear me past wasted tears of wasted days!

 

On your feet son

reveille wake up

for God’s sake,

for your own!

 

Spared and safe from 

Vietnam rice paddy slosh

war-boot jungle rot 

landmine maime

agent orange incineration…

Spared and safe from

hateful desperate 

street march scenes;

Freedom Marching:

fire-hose billy-club ear-crack 

mind-cracking hate-words greet-

did my feet march 

alongside? 

No- nightly news TV screen 

witnessed through my propped-up feet

was my only connection to 

those unity feet.

 

But, workboot-bound my white feet walked 

in privileged light

the confusion of which knew not 

where to turn until today;

afraid to speak 

out against itself

against the shame of history.

Knowing no thing I turn down my gaze 

upon my feet and ask forgiveness 

(but they can neither 

grant nor refuse it.)

I have had them wander

carry me aimlessly 

long whiles free

not shackled not kicking

not desperate 

for the ground below the rope.

 

Waiting feet, for something

while ginger-stepping 

sideways through days;

while old shoes walk ruts 

into dreams I forgot.

Seeking a place unclaimed as yet, 

unknown but familiar 

that would shout- 

Eureka!

Mother–FU#&>R !

Where can you take me faithful feet 

that I might be changed?

 

Remember the Christ? 

Who washed filth from feet

himself humbled his fishers anointed

prepared to carry his word on foot

on their lips to the world-

that pointed spikes were pounded through

their teacher’s innocent feet…

simple women and men 

left to decipher

the rage fear 

unfathomable 

depth 

of hate; 

they continued walking 

teaching by their step-

how to live

how to die 

as they did

as we surely will.

Let eternity begin 

here in faith

wailing

in the mud and slime.

 

So I sing 

to my feet and find a song- 

of acceptance 

(the final stage of grief)

of awakening

for it is time-

to stand

with those who demand 

in the street

to shout JUSTICE, for

Silence is Complicity

Complicity is Guilt.

Featured

Small Potatoes

with thin pink skins

barely cooked then cooled

cut up bite-sized

tossed together in a bowl

with

purple-white slivers

of crescent moon’d onions

tender green beans

fresh-picked snapped quick

in halves 

seasoned, kept cold 

for a summer day

crunch inside my head

feed me body and soul

as I chew drifting

on a daydream

to her hands

preparing with care

my mid-day meal

to her words

reminding me the many 

small potatoes we encounter

every day.

Treat them as such we say

pass them by 

with a knowing nod

remembering

they are only there

to help us measure

what matters most.

The weather & me

You saw the cloud in brewing storm.
Uncertain inconsistent wind
of mood and darkened change had borne
a mass of grey unwelcome cold-
a creeping cold across your skin
intrudes!  With blood and patience thin
with burning eyes you wait…you wait
behind the blackened veil of night
your radiating warmth and light
are shunned.  As earth turns round
her face and round again to trace
her journey, comes the rain to soothe
with gentle fingers stroking pain
away- to wash to clean to save
to nourish; a gift that dark cloud gave.
His unpredicted kindness shown
whose purpose, whose intent seems known
He leaves on gentler sailing breeze
to leave the blue beyond at ease
to bare his soul the sky to earth
to prove his worth.
Now golden shafts of hope rain down
their warmth uncovered.  Back again
together still with grasping hand
which never left when wind did churn
the heaven’s breast; which never closed
against the lonely night when burned
the longing for his touch.  Your faith
your steadfast patient rock of love
outlasts the storm rebuffs the wind
remains to see the sun above
whose light below does cast to find
him you thought gone; who never went
but gone the same as for your part
Whose heart reveals him genuine-
Today, your valentine

In Wells Mills Park- II

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Wind sweep-
a silent drift of air would sneak
by but caught by single leaf
sentinel signal
dangled in the calm
Farther from my eye
flocking leaf fingers wave a passing hand
a hiss through standing naked stalks-
advance guard of the distant blow
approaching drone
unseen until whose billows swell
green top crowns
descend to smack
into my face my skin
squeeze tight the tip of nose and toe
burn breath into my lungs, crack my eyes.

Through tears brown leaf sprays cling
defiant of cold and wind
would not fall would not fly
would though softer make bare silhouettes
of branch and bush against the sky
if I
would but allow
and not see death hung dry, erect.

My ear
The sizzling meat sounds hear
Through oak in pale, pale sun
to meet the whoosh, the rush-by
bending needle pine branch
to liberate
with trumpet blare with weightless wave-
Mariah
who declares the day
is hers

My exhaled breath
swims through my teeth
floats on lonely trails to distant sky
without goodbye…

In Wells Mills Park- I

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A spectator walk was my intent
On carved out paths with blazes marked
A stretch for leg and lung
begun
in early morn through cedar bog
bark-knot pine-cone

Before the vroom from off-road
helter-skelter wheels
could shatter silence bird or thought
On quiet needled ribbon roads
through soft-soled yielding rubber boot
the bump and push
of root and rock

Where grey green skeletal sponge-like things
reveal themselves
Surprise!
where tufted moss climbs trunk
splats of emerald Hope
catch winter sun lead my way
through filtered slanting ray
bounce tiny jewels into my eye
off patient twig at rest

Surprise!
A dappled snow bank remnant
down below
in moist dark bog-hollow

a footnote near
a close-nailed narrow bridge
to cross
with creaking cold footstep
freezing mud, crystal craze
phase change
icy water sheets crunch
echoes into the air.

In huddled laurel grove away
droop satin curled yet green clusters
resist the freeze
point heavenward small spring tips
excited by too-warm days
fooled by melting rains
Wait for-
tomorrow’s nose dive dead fall drop
best beware, best heed Frost warning:
keep cold…

End of Part I

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